Get a relationship
To acquire a significant and healthy relationship you must maximize the reasons someone would want to spend time with you and eliminate the reasons they wouldn't. You need to improve yourself and your life in every way possible and remove anything that could be considered a "red flag". You must become a master of yourself, your surroundings, and human psychology. Here are a list of things you can do to help improve your chances of finding your match.
Perfect your appearance
You only get one first impression so it has to be a great one. Since you never know who is looking or when you will bump into someone important, you must always go out wearing something that makes you look great. You are also building a reputation of someone who looks good. People tend to subconsciously act like they feel like they look.
Go through your wardrobe and throw out everything you wear that doesn't make you look like a million bucks. Yes, this is very hard to do because you are attached to those old clothes. If you have not worn it for over a year, throw it out. Warning: you might not even realize how nerdy some of those things make you look so this is a good time to bring in a good friend that is able to be honest with you.
Once you are done throwing things out, go out shopping somewhere expensive where the clerks will help you find some clothes that look awesome. You don't need tons. Ideally you should end up with around 5 complete outfits from head to toe that fit your look and build perfectly. Then you can stop stressing about what to wear and rotate through your options.
To keep things fresh, you should consider using a service that sends you things you might look great in:
Trunkclub.com
OutfitEZ.com
Bombfell.com
By completing this goal you commit to looking your best at all times to build your reputation and being ready for the most important first impression of your life.
Get the straight up
Go to several trusted friends and family members and tell them you would like their honest feedback about yourself. Create an environment where they feel safe being honest and helpful. Hand them the chart below and ask them to gently discuss each line according to their point of view. Be quiet, respectful, and prepared to get information that hurts and that you don't completely agree with. Keep your mind open for things that could be considered "red flags" to someone you might want to date. It honestly doesn't take much for a first date to become a last date so it is very important to get an accurate understanding of the reality of yourself rather than your perception.
|
Trait-Positive |
Trait-Negative |
|
Attitude |
|
| accepts authority, loyal |
rebellious |
| accepts what's given | ignores, rejects what's given |
| affectionate | distant, cold, aloof |
| aspiring, ambitious, motivated | self-satisfied, unmotivated |
| candid | closed, guarded, secretive |
| caring | uncaring, unfeeling, callous |
| change; accepts, embraces- | rejects change |
| cheerful | cheerless, gloomy, sour, grumpy |
| considerate, thoughtful | inconsiderate, thoughtless |
| cooperative | uncooperative, unhelpful, combative |
| courageous | cowering, fearful |
| courteous | rude, impolite |
| decisive | indecisive |
| devoted | uncommitted, uncaring, hostile |
| determined | indecisive, unsure |
| does what is necessary, right | does what is convenient |
| perseveres, endures | relents, gives up |
| enthusiastic | unenthusiastic, apathetic, indifferent |
| expansive | kept back, tight, constricting |
| faith in life | life can't be trusted |
| faith in oneself | lack of faith in self |
| faith in others | others can't be relied on |
| flexible | inflexible, rigid, unbending, stubborn |
| forgiving | unforgiving, resentful, spiteful |
| focused | unfocused, scattered |
| freedom given to others | authoritarian, controlling |
| friendly | unfriendly, distant, aloof, hostile |
| frugal, thrifty | wasteful, spendthrift |
| generous | stingy, miserly, selfish |
| goodwill | ill-will, malice, hatred |
| grateful | ungrateful, unappreciative |
| hard-working | lazy |
| honest | dishonest, deceiving, lying |
| humble | arrogant, conceited, ego-centric |
| interested | indifferent, uncaring |
| involved | complacent, indifferent |
| jealous, not | jealous, envious, covetous |
| kind | unkind, uncaring, cruel, mean |
| mature | immature |
| modest | vain |
| open-minded, tolerant | narrow, close, small-minded, intolerant |
| optimistic | pessimistic |
| perfects | allows imperfection |
| persistent, sustaining | flagging, fleeting, unsustaining |
| positive | negative |
| practical | impractical, not viable |
| punctual | late, not on time |
| realistic | unrealist, impractical |
| reliable | unreliable, undependable |
| respectful | disrespectful, rude, impolite |
| responsibility; takes- | blames others |
| responsible [ep to 9 levels] | unreliable, undependable |
| responsive | unresponsive, unreceptive |
| self-confident | lack of self confidence, insecure |
| self-directed | directed by externals |
| self-disciplined | undisciplined, unrestrained, indulgent |
| self-esteem, high | self-esteem, confidence ? low |
| self-giving | self-centered |
| self-reliant | dependent |
| selfless | selfish |
| sensitive | Insensitive, indifferent |
| serious | frivolous, silly, trivial |
| sincere | insincere, dishonest |
| social independence | social approval required |
| sympathetic | unsympathetic, unfeeling |
| systematic | unsystematic, disorganized, disorderly, random |
| takes others point of view | insists on own view |
| thoughtful towards others | thoughtless, inconsiderate, callous |
| trusting | suspicious, mistrusting |
| unpretentious | pretentious, affected, ostentatious |
| unselfish | selfish |
| willing does, willingness | unwilling, reluctant, recalcitrant |
| work-oriented | convenience first [ep psych/soc] |
Get professional pictures of yourself
Having professional pictures of yourself is necessary to let people see the real you without any blur or grain in the way. Everyone in this day and age is conditioned by perfect magazine and model images. It is an impossible standard to live up to but the good news is that it isn't hard or expensive to get some great shots of your self.
Put professional face shot photos on your media sites and dating profiles so that people can easily identify you and can see the best of you come through in the image. If you look at your competition on a dating site, many people choose low quality images of themselves. Poor images implies a big risk that they are poor quality people.
Acquiring a date is a competition so stay competitive by doing the best you can.
When evaluating a prospective significant other, people will almost always share available images with their friends for social validation. You NEED the thumbs up.."he/she is really cute!!" from the friends.
Get great honest photos.
Be happy with the best of who you really are. The only thing worse than bad images are false expectations. So make sure they are current and show the best of the real you.
It is difficult to recommend any good local resources so find a good photographer from a reference or from the phonebook that will give you great photos for a reasonable price.
Learn to ask and answer questions with confidence
Just trying to land a first date is like a job interview, you must never lie and you need to sound intelligent and successful in all your answers. Most questions you will be asked to see if you are worth going out with can be anticipated ahead of time and you get major points when you are able to answer them clearly and with confidence. You also need to be able to fill down time asking great questions. Asking good questions shows intelligence and makes the other person try harder to impress you. Trying to impress you makes them want you. So the benefit of being well prepared to answer any question is being able to ask any question. Memorize a long list of questions covering a good mix of the obvious and the creative that you can fill an evening learning more about who your date really is. So spend some time reading a good book on dating questions. Make sure you have good answers to them all. Practice asking them on friends and family casually so that you sound comfortable and confident and not scripted. Here are some internet sites with great questions and what they can tell you about someone: http://www.solotopia.com/dating-questions.html http://www.futurescopes.com/speed-dating/139/45-best-speed-dating-questions-you-can-ask-prospective-date
Get a woman's perspective
A woman's touch can come in very handy. Especially when it comes to fashion. If you have a good friend who happens to be a woman, ask her advice on your wardrobe. Adding just a few shirts and maybe a new pair of pants with your current wardrobe may be all you need. Or you may need a full makeover. But it can only help, and you will feel more confident afterwards.
Sign up for a dating site
With all of the dating sites out there now, you have tons of options. Most have a free option that gives you partial access to their site, so that you can get a feel for it, and see if that site will work for you. If it does, pay for it. Dating sites are a great place to meet people. You already have their stats right there, so you can weed out all of the people that don't meet your standards. I think its easier to find people with online dating, rather than in a bar or club. You are in the comfort of your own home, no loud music (unless its your own), its not hard to hear the other person, etc. And then you get to meet them on your own terms - at a coffee shop, downtown at a club, etc. And remember - go on lots of dates. Sometimes it takes a few dates with different people to find one you really like. Don't get discouraged if the first date doesn't work out. Its a process, and its worth it.
Identify and attend local events for singles
The community can be a great place to meet people. A lot of major cities often have free events where you can go and meet other people. Take advantage of what your city has to offer and go meet some new friends!